Well, due to my frustrations, I am going to use my blog to vent. I’m not going to specifically use names. I don’t intend to damage anyone’s business. But I do hope to feel better, while maybe giving businesses real-world feedback about their services.

Tonight, installment one:

We’re in the midst of another snow storm. It has just quit falling, but the roads are very slick. Like an idiot, I decided to order a pizza. Now, I usually use Mazzio’s. I love Mazzio’s pizza, and I especially love their online ordering (which gives you an automatic 15% discount). But, I have a wandering eye every so often, so for whatever reason I ordered from another establishment tonight, mainly because they are closer to my house. I viewed their menu online, then called it in.

At 6:20 PM

[Ring]

Pizza Girl: Hello. Can I have your phone number?

TW: [I gave her my home number. I was calling from my top-secret second line, but I never give that number.]

Pizza Girl: Is that the number you’re calling from?

TW: No

Pizza Girl: Can I have the number you’re calling from?

TW: [I gave her the number.]

***

Pizza Girl: What would you like?

TW: Bacon Cheeseburger Feast Pizza

Pizza Girl: What crust?

TW: Pan. Deep p… [cut off by next question]

Pizza Girl: What size?

TW: Medium.

Pizza Girl: Anything else?

TW: Cinnastix

Pizza Girl: OK, that’ll be delivered hot and fresh in one-and-a-half or two hours. [Yowza!]

So I put in a movie, finish a 1000-piece puzzle, build a ship in a bottle, and grow and groom a chia pet for the next hour and 55 minutes. The delivery girl was as nice as could be. I signed the slip, tipped her well due to the weather (actually due to the fact that I overtip everyone–see the movie My Blue Heaven with Steve Martin for my philosophy on tipping). I pop open the box, waiting to dig in to an excellent hot, fresh, deep-dish bacon cheeseburger pizza. There sits a tepid disc of something barely 1/8″ tall. I am disappointed, but it’s OK. It’s not that big a deal. I’ll just make do. But they really should know they made a mistake.

So I call back and I get a new Pizza Girl on the phone.

Pizza Girl 2: Hello. What is your phone number.

TW: [I gave it.]

Pizza Girl 2: Will this be pick up or delivery?

TW: I’m calling about the order I just received.

Pizza Girl 2: Your order should be there very soon.

TW: It’s here; that’s why I said I had just received it.

Pizza Girl 2: Oh.

TW: Can you tell me what my order was?

Pizza Girl 2: Let me look it up. [pause-I hear her asking someone else what my order is] You had a medium thin-crust cheeseburger feast and a cinnastix.

TW: Yeah, that’s why I called. I just wanted you to know that I ordered a deep pan but got a thin. [She tells the other person. I can hear the other person say, tell him we can get another pizza out to him as soon as we get a driver back in, but he has to send the other pizza back in].

Pizza Girl 2: [She begins to repeat it]

TW: Ma’am, I did not ask for you to replace my pizza. I will just make do with this one, but I thought you might want to know. But I really don’t need the attitude from the other person there. [Then Pizza Manager comes on the line.]

Pizza Manager: Sir, we will be glad to send you a new pizza as soon as we get a driver in.

TW: Ma’am, I was not asking for a new pizza. I just wanted you to know.

Pizza Manager: Well, in the future, it would probably be a good idea for you to have the person taking your order repeat it back to you.

TW: No, ma’am. That is not my responsibility. I have been ordering pizzas for a long time, and I have yet to order something I did not intend to order. I waited two hours for this one, and I have no intention of waiting another two hours for a replacement. I just thought you might want to know. That’s all.

Pizza Manager: Well thank you.

And that’s it. And that’s the all-time most frustrating thing I encounter when dealing with customer dis-service: it must have been my fault. I must not know what kind of pizza I like or how to enunciate it properly. Surely the infallible pizza chain giant could not have made an error. I mis-heard. I mis-spoke.

From a purely business standpoint, it matters little if the mistake was your clients’. Rectify it. Leave them happy and they will return to grace your establishment again. But do not tell them that they are at fault. As of tonight, I will never use this new pizza place again, and not because they made a mistake. Because they blamed me–their customer who paid $17 for a cold pizza on the wrong crust that couldn’t hold a candle to a $.99 Totino’s pizza from Wal-Mart (one of my favorite pizzas, actually) and some CinnaStix–for the mistake. Not a good move.

All I can say, is that any time Mazzios has made an error, there have been swift apologies and gift certificates in the mail withon three days. The pizza chain I used tonight could take a lesson. Next time, I’ll be back at Mazzio’s online order page.