As an homage to MeeCiteeWurkor, who has shared with us many stories of him v. several things (lawnmower, weedeater, mosquito, giant insect, Linux, etc.), I present Mr. Wynn v. the Waterpik. I mentioned in earlier posts (scroll down) about my recent return to the dental chair. As a result of my improper brushing, I had to go in for a below-the-gumline cleaning, for which they numbed me up good. In the oral care instruction part of the visit, in addition to being shown how to brush, I was also prescribed a Waterpik.

Now, for someone who has practically every episode of Seinfeld lodged in his subconsious, the only think one can thing of when he hears the word “Waterpik” is Estelle Costanza yelling at Frank, “You’re not giving away our Waterpik!” And then, of course, Frank’s response, “Serenity now!”

But the hygienist talked it up pretty good, so on the way home I stopped by Big Box Mart to pick up my very own. I just finished using it for the first time.

Here are some tips if you want to use one for yourself.

1. Prepare to get wet. This thing pumps a lot of water through and it has to go somewhere. The goal is to lean over a sink and funnel everything into it as it runs out of your mouth. If I ever develop this skill, it’ll be a wonder.

2. Buy a squeegie. I thought the mirror was bad because of my SonicCare. The good thing is if I brush with the SonicCare first, then Waterpik, the water from the Waterpik will dilute the toothpaste and help rinse it away.

3. Learn to use it correctly. Water pressure can cut through cement and metal. While the Waterpik isn’t that powerful, it is shooting pressurized water, so you need to make sure you do it right. The key is not to aim it at the gum, but upward through the teeth (for the bottom teeth) and downward through the teeth (for the upper teeth). This creates a flow of water which actually creates a vacuum which suctions the harmful bacteria out from in between your teeth where they like to party down and make more bacteria.

And so, there ya have it: The continuing saga of me trying to avoid costly dental work.